Today I had a pretty in-depth session with a client. She is struggling with a few things. Pretty much her entire life she has battled with feelings of unworthiness unless she can make a “BIG SPLASH” in her life. I think so many of us feel the same way. We are basically taught if we do not reach a certain level of society’s standards of “success” that we do not deserve to feel good about our lives or who we are. The biggest problem with this is, it keeps us from focusing on what’s really important and instead, we become totally obsessed with the things that ultimately don’t really matter.
For example, I asked this client “Do you think once you get the “perfect” job you will feel like all your problems are solved? Or is it possible that when you solve your inner conflict you’ll attract the “perfect job” for YOU? Why do you really want this particular job?” As she and I began to dig deep, she began to tell my her WHY behind this goal. She told me that what she really wants is happiness, freedom, safety, security, and good health. She just thinks she can’t have these things unless she has a certain job, makes enough money, has the right man in her life. For this client, she has measured her worth by the size of the “splash” she is making in the world. She is an AMAZING person, so this just made me very sad. She is suffering from the “When I have that…I’ll be happy” Syndrome.
This is the problem for most people, we all believe that once we have this or that, or him or her, we will finally be happy. But the truth is, just like the many people we know that have all those things and still remain empty to some degree, we are most likely NOT going to achieve the level of freedom, love, happiness, health, safety, and security, from these external sources. We may experience some temporary relief, and possibly things will get a little better, but eventually we will have to deal with our inner conflict. However, if we gain these things from a place of already feeling happy, joyous, and free, then it’s just the icing on the cake…but we need our cake in order to ice it! I believe, that if we switched our perception, changed the way we think, we would be much better off. Instead of waiting for the thing or the person or the job to be happy, why don’t we shoot for happiness and let the rest follow??? I can’t help but wonder…if we were already happy, would we feel as strongly about the need to make a “BIG SPLASH???” I’m just say’n. Your thoughts???
WHY do you want what you want? Figure out your WHY, and you’ll rediscover your WANT.
If you seek Coaching, please contact me at ELM.Coaching@yahoo.com. Here’s To You Health, Wellness, and Vitality!
Lots of Love, Light, and Gratitude,