One night, in a deep meditative state, I heard a voice from deep within in me, yet at the same time all around me say, “This isn’t about him, it’s about you.”
I was in the throes of healing from heartbreak. The guy I’m speaking of is one of those soul connections, you know the kind where you get knocked off your feet the first time you see the person? Yep, I was a goner from minute one.
This person has influenced my life in profound ways. He himself hasn’t done this consciously to my knowledge, however my response to him was what ultimately delivered so much healing to my heart, to my body, and to my life. He did not want the same things I wanted from our relationship, but sitting here now, I understand that it was best for things to happen the way they did.
Here are three of the many things I have learned from this:
1) It’s never what you think it’s about. When someone crosses your path, what you feel and experience has nothing to do with them. It’s all about you. Everything they call up in you is their gift to you, but how you handle it from there is your gift to yourself, to them, and ultimately to the world. Remember, this isn’t about him (or her), it’s about you. Take care of YOU, and that is always what’s best for everyone in the bigger scheme. If someone is meant to be there, they will remain standing in the end.
2) As we become willing to always turn within and look at ourselves when we feel hurt, jealous, insecure, lonely, resentful, etc, we get to find freedom from these feelings. If you are blaming someone or something else for your suffering, you better get use to suffering. Suffering transforms when we choose to respond to our feelings from a place of curiosity and eagerness to learn and awaken. Then, everyone and everything becomes our teacher and instead of being trapped in victim mode, we become grateful for the experiences, and we become courageous warriors who use everything to teach us more about ourselves. As a result, we bring light to the places within us where we lack self acceptance, forgiveness, compassion, and love, and we begin to accept, feel compassion for ourselves and others, experience a release from resentment as we see our part in things (even if our part is just that we are refusing to let go of old stories), and finally we begin to get a real sense of what it feels like to have self-love and a kind of real trust that knows we are being taken care of, even if we can’t see it, understand it, or explain it.
3) When we speak to others, respond to others, or share our time and energy with others, it’s important to observe ourselves and be aware if we are speaking and doing things with an intention of eliciting a specific response or outcome, rather than just wanting to be real and present with them. As we begin to observe our needs for controlling and manipulating circumstances and situations, to get certain results, we can then feel the feelings of fear that drive us to do that to begin with. For me, when I do that, it’s because I am afraid if I just be myself, vulnerable, honest, and just plain me, that I will find out the person on the receiving end thinks I’m boring, average, not cool, nothing special, and not someone they feel the need to go out of their way to spend time with and to love. The real fear is of myself, and not wanting to look at my needs for others approval as a result of not having my own approval. If I am conscious of this, I can just go right to the root of my fear, and begin to work through it by sending love and acceptance and approval to myself. If I am unable to do this, I can at least ask for help. When I have those things, I no longer need it from anyone else, and therefore I am free to respond from a neutral place, unattached to any result.
As you observe your fears, it is helpful to know there is power there for you if can bring enough consciousness to it to shift. All suffering is just an opportunity to reclaim our power. As you begin to notice and bring awareness to your fears and suffering, you can consciously choose NOT to respond from them, and therefore as you respond from a neutral space, unattached to the outcome, you start to transform yourself, your relationships, and your life.
I don’t now about you guys, but I am flying pretty high the last couple days. As I keep sharing with you, there is a BIG shift in the collective consciousness on the 28th of October so the days leading up to it are pretty juicy. I have given you a daily process you can be doing, to help support your transition into this next phase of the human experience. We are in for some yummy goodness! Life is gonna get really cool! However, you may be feeling a lot of intense emotions right now, and that is completely normal. Big Shifts bring up BIG Sh*t!
Ok, that’s all for today. How are you going? Please fill me in here, or shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’d like to share anything with me 🙂
Love you all!