Hey mates! Ha ha…I had to give you a little Aussie-ism as I am hearing them all long day these days:) Today is day 5 of the 21 days of blogging to transformation I have been talking about. Boy are things speeding up and life gets more interesting every day. How are things going for you? Are you doing the process I suggested?
I have recently had someone re-emerge in my life. He kind of does this. He appears, disappears, appears, and disappears. For a long time this relationship was a GOLD MINE for me because it really brought up all my stuff around fear of intimacy, lack of power, lack of self-worth and self-respect, lack of boundaries, and lack of values that align with integrity. The last time I saw this person was almost a year ago and now he’s emailing me about visiting. What do I say???
I have been meditating on this one for a couple of days now, and the message I keep getting is to let him go. I keep hearing this higher-than-self voice gently saying, “Erin, tell him where you’re at, and accept that it is time to let him go. You have learned all you can learn, and healed all you can heal from this relationship.”
The truth is, I really am a different person than I was when this guy came into my life. I believe we both played a very special, very important role in each other’s lives, but I think there really does come a point in time when we have to choose something different for ourselves. The temptation is to say, “Yeah, come visit and let’s have some serious fun!” However, from past experiences, I know where that will and WON’T get me. It’s not a matter of just not taking things so seriously and just having some fun, because believe me I have tried that with this person.
Sometimes, it’s just time to team up with integrity, to put all our money on something better, and to place the bet. Either way it’s a risk, but at least when we try something different, we have a chance of getting a better result. Otherwise , we will just keep getting the same results over and over. I don’t know what I want from this relationship. I used to think I wanted committment, or to at least explore what it would be like to be together, in monogamy. Now, I can’t say I feel that way about him anymore, so I have to wonder…what kind of room does that give us? Friends? What kinds of “friends” would we really be? I’m not certain he meets my friendship standards to be honest.
Number one priority in, or out of relationships, is to love yourself. Know your boundaries, your values, and what you are worth and NEVER compromise that. TRUST that when you align with your highest feelings and values, things will turn out for the best. My mother always said, “You can’t do the wrong thing with the right guy.” (Or girl, guys:) I believe the same goes for friends. If we are authentic, honest, and vulnerable, the right people will remain standing in our lives, and the rest will fall away.
We must live in integrity, and let the right person drop into that space. If he or she isn’t dropping into your space and rising to the event to be with you…it’s time to graciously say “Thank you, I love you, I wish you all the best, but I must clear my space for someone better for me.”
Today was a very cool day for me. I have been making up super creative workout using trees, logs, hills, steps, and railings, and getting amazing workouts as a result. I am finding such freedom in not NEEDING a gym to get a workout in. I am realizing I do not NEED nearly as much as I once thought. I am discovering that freedom IS when you can feel happy, joyous, and free, wherever you are, under any and all circumstances, no matter who you are or are NOT with. I am finding true freedom, and for that I give thanks.
Please drop me a line or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to share what you are going through. Let me support you however I can as we all grow through this shift together!