How do you love someone so much and at the same time know it is best to love them from a distance?
This has been one of the most challenging lessons for me. There is a person in my life who I love very much, on many levels, but I know from experience I am better off being honest about my feelings with this person. When I am honest about my feelings, it is always made clear to me that he and I are in two completely different places when it comes to romantic love.
What has been so difficult, is loving this person in more ways than one. I have struggled with my boundaries in our relationship because I want to love unconditionally. However, sometimes we just have to love someone unconditionally without actually engaging with them.
I have struggled so much in the past, but the fog has begun to clear. In the past, I would always end up compromising my own well-being because I thought I “should” be able to love him unconditionally and therefore accept him exactly the way he is. However, I am just now beginning to see and understand that I can absolutely love him and accept him unconditionally without actually having to see him, email with him, or talk to him.
Tonight I am free. I have managed to stay in alignment with my values, to live in integrity, and to continue loving and accepting this person unconditionally. Up to now, I was unable to do what I felt was loving him AND stay in integrity all at the same time. This time was different because I told him I could not see him anymore if nothing had changed, whereas in the past I would’ve tried to make myself be different. I decided to love and accept myself unconditionally as well as him, and instead of trying to be different, I did something different.
I don’t feel the need to explain to him that I will always love him and accept him exactly the way he is. Only I need to know that it’s nothing personal towards him, but that it just doesn’t work for me, and I’m better off to love him from a distance. So that is exactly what I will do.
Please let me know what you are going through. It is an intense time on the planet right now and we are ALL being super confronted in our relationships, at work, with health stuff, etc. You may be experiencing really intense feelings you can’t quite understand and it’s possible you are questioning everything you once believed. It’s ok! You are safe, and just experiencing the same transition we are all experiencing. As we move closer to October 28th, expect even more of this stuff to surface. Be gentle, loving, and kind to yourself and others. Show compassion towards all living things, and stay open to the magical opportunities and possibilities that will be revealing themselves to you each day.
I love you all. Let me know what’s coming up for you!
xoxo E
Erin Lanahan Method 
Hi Erin,
What wonderful insight for you to have and the courage to act upon it so confidently, freedom describes it perfectly!
I became very teary reading towards the end, maybe ‘the end’ being the operative word!
Thanks for giving me some insight too.
Kathy
Hi Kathy. It’s a pleasure. Happy to have contributed some insight toward you and your journey. Love and light to you sister 🙂 xo
i can absolutely identify with this Erin. I have loved someone unconditionally from a distance now for 4 years. he is not a part of my life anymore because his truth & my truth were different. Four five years I struggled with boundaries in our relationship because I also wanted to love him unconditionally. When it inevitably ended, i set final boundaries, which he has honored, and continue to love him unconditionally without actually engaging with him. he had an incredible effect & affect on me, but i had to eject from our tumultuous relationship (& imperfectly subpar marriage). i have forgiven and not forgotten the good. i am a better person “after” the long engagement with him. but i had to disengage myself from him and some fears in order to become what i am.
below are some of my writings ~ which i consider my “afterwords” to us. warmest, sarah
infused in my fiction
http://sarahneanbruce.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/poetic-fragmented/
inspiration for my psychological musings
http://sarahneanbruce.wordpress.com/2011/07/05/p-o-w-desensitizing-minimizing-fears/
lives on in my dreams as a ghost
http://sarahneanbruce.wordpress.com/2011/09/30/memoirs_still-in-my-hideaway-ghostly-dreams/
integral to my healings
http://sarahneanbruce.wordpress.com/2010/11/22/w-o-w-5-stages-to-forgiving/
http://sarahneanbruce.wordpress.com/2010/11/25/bonus-p-o-v-on-w-o-w-5-stages-of-letting-go-and-forgiving/
Thank you for sharing all of that Sarah. I see you know exactly what my heart is saying. He was a great teacher of mine as well, and one I will probably continue to learn from for a very long time. However, for now, I am best to keep my distance and connect with him only in the spiritual world rather than in the physical. So I will love him unconditionally, but I will love myself unconditionallly as well, and therefore maintain my boundaries and values, and live in integrity. I so appreciate your shares! Thanks again:)
xo Erin
[…] What if I get sick and die? What if I live forever? What if I lose someone I love? What if there is no such thing as loosing someone? […]
Hello Erin,
Loving from a distance also applies to family members. Sometimes, we just can’t get along, and to lessen the friction with our loved ones – we have to distance ourselves. This is especially true if you have family members who “spitefully” use you and take advantage of your kindness. As I struggle with this decision presently, I know in my heart that this is the best way to handle the situation.
Abused persons struggle with walking away from abuse, and their love for the abusers keep them bound. Love can be “blind,” and in most cases, deadly. We need more inspiring people such as you helping others to see the light – we can be loving people – but not to the point of destroying ourselves, and all that God meant for us to be.
When I finish writing my post concerning this topic, I will include a link to your post as a reference. Thank you.
Terry Loving
http://ssofdv.wordpress.com/
Hi Terry. Thank you so much for sharing and connecting with me. I am so happy you felt something in this article that is useful and helpful for you. It was a huge shift for me when I finally GOT that to love unconditionally meant to start loving myself unconditionally first, and that to care for another at the expense of myself is actually quite selfish. When I finally realized that there is nothing worng with me if I cannot be in a certain kind of relationship, I began to accept where I was fully and where the other person was fully insteasd. To acknowledge that we are where we are and that’s ok, and to be able to love myself and him anyway, knowing that it didn’t mean staying in it, gave me the freedom and permission I needed to walk away.
I am looking forward to reading your article so let me know when it’s finished and posted. Thank you
Love,
Erin
Hello Erin,
Here is the article I wrote on the subject of forgiving, http://ssofdv.wordpress.com/2012/10/29/forgive-and-forget-is-it-possible/. We can learn to love from a distance.
I really like the way you worded your reply, especially this part:
“I began to accept where I was fully and where the other person was fully insteasd. To acknowledge that we are where we are and that’s ok, and to be able to love myself and him anyway, knowing that it didn’t mean staying in it, gave me the freedom and permission I needed to walk away.”
If we could all think this way, we would not waste precious time trying to unsuccessfully change one another, and avoid hurtful acts we cannot undo. I am learning.
Sorry this took so long, forgot to make a note to myself.
Stay strong!
Terry
[…] for me, is the feeling I have when I KNOW I can walk away from the things and people who I love but do not serve my highest good, and trust that both of us […]